sleepless nights

I am slowly making the transition into the night shift. Its been good I think. The night shift and the day shift are seriously as different as night and day. Day shift was just so chaotic.. in a controlled sense but there was ALWAYS something going on and everyone always had a patient or 2. For those who don't completely understand nursing... one patient in labor and delivery is a full load and 2 is just insane!!! On med/surg floors most nurses have anywhere from 4 to 7 or so patients which is also a lot but L&D is different. We are basically and ICU for pregnant women. Regular ICU nurses only have 1 maybe 2 patients too b/c the acuity of the patients requires so much more attention and anything can change in the blink of an eye... Like L&D. Everyone on the night shift has just been amazing. They all have been telling me stories that are awesome and others scare the crap out of me, then they tell me not to quit and to give it at least 1 year to BEGIN to feel comfortable. AHHHHHH 1 YEAR!!! seems like forever. (insert prayer here!)
I have been privileged to so far to have excellent mentors to follow and also, interesting cases. I've had the crazy pts who I really don't know how they managed to get pregnant (very uneducated to put it nicely.. follow??) , then there are just the crazy patients who always have crazy family members ready to fight with anything, those who have 100 million questions that always get repeated over and over again, ages 12- 45, the non English speaking in which my charades gets fine tuned, the 450lbs plus, pretty much you name it, I've had it. The other night my preceptor helped me delivery my first baby (meaning the doctor didn't make it in time so "delivery by RN") that was exciting. anyway, I have so many stories I wish I could share but b/c of privacy issues, I cant. Overall, its a pretty exciting job that is still very overwhelming to say the least. My whole biological rhythm is off and I'm trying to get into a cycle but its hard. staying awake all night then trying to sleep all day an still be awake enough to play with Ryder. I constantly feel like I'm in a daze which isn't so fun, but... God is good and I have a great job.

Pumpkin patch .. better luck next time

Today Ryder and I, along with my dear friend Lauren and her 2 boys decided we would go on a little outing... to see the pumpkins. We went to Owens farm in Richardson. Over all, it was fun I guess. I got more pictures of the top of Ryder's head than I wanted. A 14 month old doesnt understand how to sit for 2 seconds and look at a camera, not to mention the fact that it takes forever for my camera to take a picture. We did manage to get a few cute ones though. It was also a lot colder than we expected so the noses were definitly running along with Ryder's 2 feet.... wore me out!!! and I think that every school in the area decided today was their day to come see pumkins too. arg. We'll try again next year. But I think he had a good time and thats what I wanted.

On our way...

the pictures I got a lot of: top of the head.

The goat was a big hit. He kept saying "boody" thinking of Buddy our dog.

best bud's

VIDEO: small clip of today. as you will notice, the pumpkins are just too exciting to look at mommy, who is desparately trying to get a good picture.

Ryders Surgery Part 2 (its a long blog.. be warned)

We have been waiting for a couple of months for today to get here, Finally.... its here. We tried to get everything together last night so that we could just get up and leave. The alarm went off at 5 (I absolutely REFUSE to get up before 5 am. anything starting with a 4 is just waaaaay to early for me.). Any way the alarm went off we slowly got around and managed to leave about 540. We arrived at Presby Plano at 6 and got checked in.

(looks like a cage... scarry)

Poor Ryder, he was so tired not to mention thirsty and hungry but he was such a little trooper. They brought us back to the preop room and gave him this tiny little hospital gown (see below, its adorable) and told us the anesthesiologist and Dr. would be in soon. Well, when cranky, tired, hungry Ryder is here, soon seems to take forever. Jeremiah walked with him around the hall. He looked at all the cool lights and stuff around the room, played with the curtain and played with gloves, ya know, pretty much anything we could come up with to distract him until "soon" came.

Such a good daddy

Finally the much anticipated doctors arrived and gave him some loopy medicine to make him forget things and calm him down for when they took him from us to the OR. soon he became all giggles and was giving such good Ryder kisses and was on cloud 9 (where ever that is). Then the dreaded moment came when the dr picked him up and said "ok, say good bye to mommy and daddy." Of course Ryder was all about laughing and giving kisses and was clueless as to what was going on and I was all about holding back tears. It was really hard watching them carry him off down the hall. He just looked like such a little boy in this big doctors arms and all of a sudden they turned the corner and were gone. I looked at Jeremiah and we both kind of had the same look... should we run after them? Obviously we didn't but having one more hug and kiss would have been nice. While they were back prepping him, Jeremiah and I made a quick run to Mc'D's, grabbed some breakfast to go and quickly made our way back to the waiting room to wait for any news. We managed to watch a few episodes of Fresh prince and ER. ER was probably not a good choice today, little kids dying... not good. I forgot how long waiting can be. We finally got the call, a little over 2 hours later, that they were heading to recovery so we quickly grabbed all our stuff to meet them. We were originally told that only one parent could come to recovery. GAY! We were both nervous/frustrated at that. we both wanted to go back to see him when he woke up and we needed each other for support while we were back there. Thank God, they let both of us go back.

When we walked in he was in a nurses arms in a rocking chair drinking sugar water.. they said he was hungry. the Dr's told us that the one hernia was bigger than they thought and they found another one on the other side so the poor little guy has 2 incisions. He looked really tired and like he was in pain. they assured me he wasn't but I assured them he was. After a while they finally believed me (after he kept crying and squirming and crying and crying and moving his legs which they also said he would NOT be able to do. hmmmmm, little frustrated.)

We went back to our preop room for more observation and they gave him some more pain meds b/c he was inconsolable. Terribly hard for a mother to watch her child in pain and not be able to do anything about it. Finally the meds kicked in an he dosed in and out in my arms. THEN out of the blue bam he through up all over me, the blankets the floor, the chair. Like, allll of the juice and then some we had given him to help calm him. it was gross. Jeremiah was freaking out almost throwing up himself. needless to say, Ryder felt better. I laid him in his bed and he slept some more while we cleaned up. 30 min later we were discharged home. yay! he slept the whole way home and has been sleeping in and out all afternoon. Poor guy, he just lays there, whimpers every once in a while then his eyes get really heavy and out he goes again. good drugs i guess.

I am so thankful for technology today, and the Drs ability to do these procedures. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to pray that he heals. He cant walk yet. The doctor said not to let him cough a lot.. ummm how in the world do you tell a 14month old not to cough??? oh well, He's a good sport and a little grown up baby now.

I gave him my phone to play with (after all the good pain meds kicked in and he was loving it)

Ryders Surgery part 1

Ryder has his surgery on Thursday. Its not serious or anything, just a day surgery. BUT. that is my little boy that I will be handing over to a doctor and his team. That is my baby that they will be putting to sleep and then CUTTING on. I trust them... I do. What I am having a hard time with is not being able to tell him where he is going, knowing that he won't understand whats going on and I have no way of telling him, he won't understand that Jeremiah and I will be there when he wakes up and that we love him. He wont be able to tell me exactly what and where he is hurting and if they/I give him any meds if they are working. Working in the medical field, I know what goes on in the OR, what the MD's talk about, the music they listen to the occational "oops" that can be fixed that isnt said to anyone etc. That also scares me. I want them to focus on what they are doing, not talk about their life but focus on my little life. you know? The unknown gets me nervous... b/c its out of my control. He feeds so much on what he sees around him. If I get upset, he cries. If I laugh, he laughs. If I "talk loudly" to the dog, he does too. So, with this pattern, Jeremiah and I really have to work on keeping ourselves together in front of him so he doesnt get worked up and cry b/c mommy is crying. Again, this isnt like a major life threatening surgery but, thats my baby. please keep us in your prayers on Thursday.

first 24 hours of life =)

Proud mommy and daddy

first bath =) so so cute!!

YIKES

The last few weeks I have been working with my preceptor on the 7a to 7p shift. It has been going so well. I really think that I have one of the best jobs in the world. It is just amazing to be apart of the beginning of someones life. To be able to share those first hours of life with the new ones family. I mean, seriously, I get to witness miracles every day and it is just amazing. Hearing the babies cry for the first time still gets me all emotional. And most people, always remember their Labor and delivery nurse.
Next week, I will begin my adventure on the night shift (7p to 7a) Apparently it is much more conducive to learning but honestly, I'm nervous. From about 2 to 530am it is like torture to stay awake and be able to think clearly and stay on my toes for whatever may happen. Also, the new step to night means that I am now 4 weeks closer to being on my own, with out my preceptor. The last few day she has sort of been giving me my own patient while she takes another to see how I do. I have been doing well, although I have been having a hard time finding the cervix to tell my pts what they are dilated too. arg. apparently it takes a few months.. so I've heard. I have been blessed with very patient families who have allowed me to learn with them and in turn, bond with them. I mean really, I see parts of them no one else sees, if you know what I mean. I have come a long ways but have so much further to go and more often than I'm overwhelmed. Are these heart tones ok? Is this deceleration ok? is she contracting too much? How the baby handling it? STAT c-section... AHHHH! No, you didn't pee on yourself, you water broke. The baby's not breathing!!! Should we call the NICU! The doctor wants me to do what? PUSH, PUSH, OH your a good pusher.. out flies baby.. wheres the doctor???
all these just really get your adrenaline rushing and heart racing and I pray that mom and baby and I all survive.
*sigh*over all, I love my job! God is amazing and anyone who has witness birth CAN'T deny it! So if you happen to think about me, or see a newborn please say a little prayer for me that I can be a sponge and soak all the knowledge up from the wise RNs around me and take the best care of my patients as possible. I have been given a wonderful opportunity to impact and bless so many lives and I want to give it my all.

Copy Cat

Ryder is coming into the stage of copying. He tries to copy what we say and what he sees us do. Many mornings I will sit on the floor and blow dry my hair while he sits in front of me making faces and eating cereal. He sees my brushing my hair and I brush his hair after his baths so when every he sees my brush, if it is within his reach he will grab it and try to brush his hair. well, the other morning I was getting ready and noticed that it had become unusually quiet. immediately "where's Ryder" ran through my head. I turned around to find him on the bathroom floor with 3 TOOTH brushes in his hands brushing his hair. It was hilarous and he was so proud of himself. It took me a second to figure out where he found all the tooth brushes. He opened one of the drawers in the bathroom and found the baggies of new toothbrushes, opened it and proceeded to groom his hair and brush his teeth. I ran and grabbed the camera and was able to catch a few of these precious moments. You will also notice the baby monitor at his feet that he was previously walking around talking into it like a phone.